October 6, 2009

The Golden Rule - revisited

OK, I gave in...
I decided to continue do what I was doing because I was not doing for the dreaded dude anyway. I was doing it for my son, for myself and for God. It feels more liberating to admit this than to try to force myself into doing something that doesn't feel right.
I don't want to scoop down to the dude's level and live with a heart of pride and revenge. I wanted to be free from him for a long time and this is the best way, to not give into his "mood-ness".

So, I will continue to give reports about school, share the school projects, doctor reports, go above and beyond what is required of me based on the court orders because it is nice to do so, and his excuse of "I didn't know" would not apply (only in his mind).
My conscience would be clear and I will be free - love it!

I say I will do it for God, because He drives me to be a better person, a better mother and to Him I want to answer.
Someone told me that the Golden Rule also applies to us, if we do something wrong, how would we like to be treated - well, from the dude I don't expect anything, but from God I do expect forgiveness and understanding, and He is quick to give it. He will give it to me regardless if I give it or not, but I do want to do all things (especially when it comes to court and custody dealings) as I am doing it in God's watch.

I will do it for my son because he deserves the effort, he deserves I try to keep the dude informed of his health and accomplishments because after all, the dude is his dad.

When faced with this ambivalence - let's take the eyes off the dude's actions for a second and look at the motivation for our actions. I do agree with we should not let poor behavior stand, but let's consider what is worth the heavy fight (meaning going back to court) - who do we do these things for and in which place are we going to end up in the end, meaning emotionally.

Our behavior and morality should not be dictated by somebody else compass, but by our own rationalization.
It's funny, when I was going to court there were to stages to my personality, according to dude and company - one day I was miss wonderful, the best single mother in the world, because (my mistake) I was allowing the dad to see the child everyday. But when I started saying no to overnight weekends when my son was an infant and not to a 50/50 schedule, I was accused of unfair, an evil human being, a pathetic individual just because the dude was hearing the word "no" (the desire of a "yes" world, is a sign of sociopath behavior).

As you travel this road, you will receive many, many accusations - examine yourself and don't give in. What are you doing things for, who are you doing things for? - not for the dude's and friends' approval, not to win a popularity contest for sure, but for your kids and yourself.
You will need to stand firm and examine yourself continuously -
and no, you are not a bad mother for not giving in into someone else wants. If he cannot negotiate in favor of the kid alone then there should not be further discussion, your child is the priority, not the dude's wants.

Be strong, evaluate, document, persevere and hope.

Go to bed in peace knowing you are doing everything in your power for the well-being of your child and if that is not working for your child's favor, don't loose hope and compensate in the mean time - your children won't be an statistic number, there are exceptions to the rule all the time and someone else selfishness will not dictate how your child turns up.
Be strong and be at peace.

Love your kids today and always and blessings!!!

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