June 9, 2009

what is really winning?

I was reading a post about one of the parties bragging about "winning" in court.
If you really think about the tedious process, about the time spent, and about being emotionally drained - who wins?
I hope that when you go into the court system to have the custody issues resolved, you think about your kids only, not about pride, not about you winning and not letting the other party win, etc, because then you will be the one loosing. 
You should be investing in making sure your kids are well emotionally, physically, spiritually, not on winning a case.

On this past court ruling, the situation could not have been better. My child is under my care 80%, I can oversee his education, medical care, take him to my country to see my family and compensate where there is "shortness" (hopefully not as much as before) - Your child's well being, that's winning.

If the other party is responsible, loving and looking up for your child's best, then your child is winning for having your and the other's love. But if another is the case, even after the ruling from the judge, keep on documenting, stay on the lookout, remember - nothing is final, lookout for your child's welfare, don't settle for yourself, don't settle on your kids safety just to keep the other party quiet - honestly, as awful as it sounds, they don't matter. The only way they matter is in their relationship with your kid. I am not saying hate the person (hate blinds you and get YOU ready for battle, and that is not what we are talking about), but THEIR NEEDS ARE NOT A PRIORITY, YOUR CHILD"S IS.
Keep your kid safe from the brawling with the other party, they don't deserve to be witnesses of the shortcomings. If they insist in making the child part of the dispute or use the child to "punish" the other parent, there is what is called Child Protection Services. Talk to them to get informed. I had the mediator recommend I talk to them, and I did - mostly for negligence in care, but they do respond and they are there.

Remember, a bully will use anything and everything to have the sense of control. Once you have served, the other party may have in their mind that you are inviting them into battle - a crushed ego is terrible, specially for a male.
Besides, you know the type of character you are dealing with, indulge them if necessary, as long as they leave you alone. If they want to "win" only. Let them believe they have "won", after all that is what they are interested on, right?
Smile to yourself and hold your child close - he/she is safe, and hopefully moving towards a stable family situation, even with a single parent.
Remember, when pride is the source, it will not stop at nothing until pride is satisfied.

After 3 months of court, the other party still talks about "what is fair to him" "this situation isn't fair to him because the child's schedule affects his commute" when you hear me, me, me, me, me - you know something is wrong ;)

Hopefully a final ruling will give you the freedom to move forward without the harassment. Remember, words are just words until you give them value. Enjoy the precious time with your child and laugh at the tantrums the "other kid" throws at you.
If the harassment continues, you can open a harassment case - hopefully is doesn't get to the point with you!!! and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! and move forward!!
and honey - when the other party finally leaves you alone - you and your child have won ;) 


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